First Haircut

After a frustrated attempt to trim his hair in the front, I finally took Sawyer to the salon to get his first haircut. He didn't like it one bit, especially when she used the electric trimmer around his ears. He still has his little curls in the back; I couldn't bear to let her cut them off! I'll keep them for as long as Eric will let me. Here are some pictures.

Welcome Baby Benjamin!

Congratulations to my good friends Becky and Matt, who just had their first baby! Benjamin Matthew was born on August 8 and is such a cutie. Check out their blog. http://mattnbecky.blogspot.com

It's a Jungle Out There

A few weeks ago we had torrential rains like nothing I've ever seen before. In one night it rained 8 inches, which is more than the state of Utah gets in an entire year. As a result the plants in my garden seemed to double in size in just a couple of days. If you don't believe me, here's a picture.



We've been eating green beans and tomatoes for a couple of weeks now. It is such a good feeling to have grown them myself. I've always thought self-sufficiency was overrated, but now I'm starting to understand why people at church harp on about it all the time. Maybe I'll even start storing wheat in plastic buckets in our basement.

My husband remarked that this blog has evolved from an infertility/pregnancy blog into a gardening one. I wonder what that says about me: Do I have an innate desire to make things germinate and grow and bear fruit? And more importantly, once we get into cold weather again and I can't garden anymore, does that mean I have to get pregnant again? Geez, I hope not. I'm going to need at least another year before I start poking myself with needles again. Not to mention the nausea, fatigue, sciatica, and did I mention the nausea? I'll have to find another means of creation.

The Answer's in the Music

Ha ha, this was fun. I copied this from Michelle. Some don't make any sense but a few are really funny. It also shows the lack of variety of artists I have on my iPod. I need to do some serious ripping from my CDs!

Directions: Put your music player on shuffle.Press forward for each question.Use the song title as the answer to the question. No cheating.

How am I feeling today? Tori Amos "A Sorta Fairytale"

Will I get far in life? David Brent "Free Love Freeway" (from The Office! hee hee)

How do my friends see me? Beth Orton "Carmella" "Ain't nothing very funny 'bout a man making money off a blond haired blue-eyed girl" - apparently they all think I'm a whore.

When will I get Married? Tori Amos "Wednesday" Actually I got married on a Saturday.

What's my theme song? Oasis "Roll With It" good one!

What is the story of my life? David Gray "Freedom"

How can I get ahead in life? Beth Orton "Central Reservation" The most enigmatic song ever.

What is my best feature? MXPX "Chick Magnet" Apparently women are attracted to me! Cool.

How is today going to be? The Sundays "I Can't Wait"

What is in store for this weekend? Rob Thomas "Now Comes the Night" Oh no, I'm going to die!!!

What is my life like at the moment? Ryan Adams "The Shadowlands" Now that's depressing.

What song describes my secrets? Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" - doesn't really make sense, but a great song nonetheless.

What is my current lover like? Jack Johnson "3 R's" from Curious George - "Reduce, reuse recycle!" (I swear Eric, I didn't plan that!)

What song will they play at my funeral? Indigo Girls "Ghost" That's appropriate, because I definitely plan to be there to see what everyone says about me.

How does the world see me? Ryan Adams "Jesus (Don't Touch My Baby)" Hmm, an overprotective mother?

Will I have a happy life? Tracy Chapman "The Promise" Oh, that is a happy song.

What do my friends really think of me? Ryan Adams "Carolina Rain" It's about a murderer. Nice!

Do people secretly lust after me? Beth Orton "Worms". "Now I'm your apple eating heathen, the original sin." I guess that's a yes.

Will I accomplish my goals in life? Duncan Sheik "Mister Chess" So I have to work on my strategy maybe.

Will I find true love? The Sundays "Joy"

How do I treat others? Puddle of Mud "Control" Ha!

Still Growing

The garden continues to grow. Since the last picture I've put in three types of tomatoes, basil, more beans, thyme, and summer squash. The flowers I planted aren't doing too well thanks to some negligence on my part - we had a dry, hot spell and I forgot to water for a few days. The green leaf lettuce bolted a week ago and the romaine is almost done too since it's been so warm. We'll miss having fresh lettuce from the garden - back to buying it in bags. My next project is to construct a trellis for the tomatoes and squash. I can't wait for that harvest! I'm also planning on putting some mint plants in the planters where the strawberries were supposed to be since I've been unsuccessful at getting two different batches of them to grow. Here are some more pics.

Standing Man

Right around his first birthday, Sawyer started cruising. He's been pulling up since he started crawling (about 7 months) but has just now figured out that he can get from place to place by holding onto things. It's just a matter of time now until he's walking solo.

Signs of Life

Here are the latest pictures of my veggie garden. So far I have two kinds of lettuce, carrots, bush beans, marigolds and a geranium.




It's going really well so far, this square foot method is so easy! I just water every couple of days, which takes about 2 minutes since it's such a small amount of space. I've pulled exactly 3 weeds - the seeds blew in from our maple tree.

Happy Birthday Sawyer!

Sawyer turned one today! I can't believe he is a year old. It sounds so cliché, but it really has gone by so fast. My dad was in town so he and Grandy came over for cake. Sawyer had a great time mashing his piece into a paste and then throwing it on the floor. I'm not sure if any made it into his mouth, but it was definitely on his face!

Congratulations Mom and Erin!

Last week Sawyer and I went out to Utah to celebrate the graduation of my mom and my sister Erin from BYU. Erin graduated in English and is planning to move to the DC area soon, so you know what that means - instant babysitter! My mom had to drop out when she got pregnant with me, and so now almost 30 years later she finally had the chance to go back and finish. She is now a college grad with a degree in Family History. I am so proud of her! Here are some pictures from our stay.

Grandma Sue and her grandbabies after the ceremony.


The graduates with me, Sawyer, Tanne, Caroline and Megan.


The two water babies. Sawyer and Caroline both love their baths!


On this trip we discovered that Sawyer loves dogs - even 75 lb. Jack, who has huge teeth! Luckily there isn't a sweeter dog in the world and he put up with Sawyer's abuse without complaint.


On the swing at Grandma's house. The house my parents are renting while they build their new one has a fantastic back yard.


The two cousins with Erin and Megan. Sawyer better grow, Caroline is catching him up!


Sawyer's favorite greeting for Grandpa - the Head Butt.

Garden

Here's a picture of my garden before planting. So far I've put in lettuce, carrots and parsley and when I get back from my trip to Utah I'll plant everything but the tomatoes and basil. Stay tuned for pictures once things start growing! Assuming of course, that I can actually get things to grow...

Funny Boy

Sawyer has picked up some funny habits in the past few weeks. One is rolling his tongue, like he's trying to pronounce "R" in Spanish. He is amazingly adept at this and can do it in any pitch or tone of voice. He has also started babbling all the time - before he made lots of noises, but now you can tell that he's imitating speech sounds. He makes "sentences" and obviously knows exactly what he's saying, even if Eric and I don't. We're still signing with him, but so far he still only signs back to us when he wants to go to bed. The other night I was nursing him to sleep and as he was drifting off he signed to himself "bed" over and over again, like he was saying "ahhh, I get to go to bed." He understands when we sign "bath", "Daddy", "eat", "bird", "light", "fan", "up", "more", "book" and "kiss."

My favorite funny thing he does is head-butting whoever is holding him. It seems to be his way of saying "I like you" (maybe he's part goat?)



We went to the beach with Eric's family for Easter and had a great weekend - the weather was fabulous. Sawyer had his first taste of sand. He was unimpressed. He then rubbed some all over his face and cried to be picked up.






This is how he's learned what "up" means. Eric will say "want to go up?" and he'll throw his head back in the air and clench his fists to get ready. There's nothing that makes him laugh harder.

Gardening

Now that I'm sleeping at night and actually have energy during the day, I've picked up a new venture: gardening. My mom is an extremely gifted gardener, but sadly I was never interested enough as a kid to learn from her. My project this year is a square foot garden. I learned about this technique from a friend of mine in college who had just returned from a trip to Haiti where he taught people how to grow their own vegetables more efficiently. The standard method of vegetable gardening is to plant in long parallel rows, which takes up a lot of space and usually produces much more than a typical family can use. A square foot garden is arranged as the name implies, in squares. The idea is to plant one crop per square foot - then when that crop is harvested you plant a new one in that square and you can continuously have vegetables growing. I'm doing a 4'x4' one this year and I'm planting: tomatoes, cantaloupe, cucumber, carrots, romaine lettuce, green leaf lettuce, parsley, rosemary, basil, strawberries, green beans, and some flowers (nasturtium, sweet peas, and marigolds). I have planted a few of the cool crop seeds (the lettuce and carrots) and they are growing beautifully. I am really enjoying this so far. Who knows? Maybe some of my mom's talent is genetic.

Ahhh, Sleep!

Sad that I've gone back to once a month posting...

BUT that may change soon since my life is completely different now! After lots of trial and error, I discovered that Sawyer has an allergy to cow's milk. That's why he was waking up screaming several times every night - the milk proteins from foods I consume pass into my breastmilk and he can't handle them. So I've been off dairy for a month and oh my goodness! What a difference. He is a changed baby. The dietary restrictions have been hard as I'm something of a dairy freak - I used to have milk on my cereal for breakfast, yogurt with lunch, cheese with almost everything, and ice cream for dessert. All that's changed now! I substitute rice milk with cereal in the mornings (which is kind of gross, but I'm getting used to it.) And it's totally worth whatever I have to do to be able to sleep at night - I can't believe how much energy I have!

I am also feeling totally vindicated in my parenting choices. I was getting a lot of pressure to let him "cry it out" to get him to sleep through the night. I am so glad I didn't give in! My poor baby was in pain and leaving him to cope by himself wouldn't have accomplished anything positive. Yay for parental instinct!

If I Was a Superhero...

Sara posted this neato quiz on her blog so I thought I'd try it too.


Your results:

You are Supergirl
Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

---

77%
Wonder Woman

---

77%
Green Lantern

---

65%
Spider-Man

---

60%
Batman

---

55%
Catwoman

---

50%
Robin

---

49%
Superman

---

45%
The Flash

---

45%
Hulk

---

40%
Iron Man

---

Click here to take the What Superhero Are You? Quiz

Pictures for Grandma Sue

For my mom's birthday (which is the same day as mine) I took a bunch of pictures of Sawyer and put them together in a little scrapbook. He is turning into such a ham and smiles as soon as he sees the camera pointing at him. Here are a few of my favorites.

Signs

As I think I've mentioned before, we are teaching Sawyer sign language. We're using the book Signing Smart With Babies and Toddlers. This is his first sign: "bed". It's an approximation (he should have his hand flat against his head) but he definitely knows what he's trying to say. Every night after Eric gives him his bath he starts signing "bed," "bed" until I put him down and sometimes he signs it as he's falling asleep. Some of the other signs we are working on are "Daddy", "bath", "dog", "music", "hurt", "wake up", "more", and "kiss". He understands several of these, so it's a matter now of getting him to sign back to us. It is really cool to see him putting things together in his mind and for him to know he can communicate with us.

"Yes, I'll have the Big Wong Special, please."

Please, oh please, let this place be for real! Big Wong

Edited to add: Even better. Fat Wong

Changes

So a lot's happened in the past several weeks. I had a birthday and turned 28. Sara and Michelle came over to celebrate with us by having a BBC The Office marathon. We ordered takeout from Maggiano's, ate yummy Lindt chocolates provided by Michelle, decadent chocolate birthday cake which Eric made from scratch, and did pedicures while we lounged on the sofa and laughed ourselves silly at the antics of David Brent. Eric took care of Sawyer and didn't let me lift a finger all day. He gave me a docking station with speakers for my video iPod and a coffee table I've had my eye on for a while. I feel pretty indifferent about turning 28 (it's just one of those "in between" ages where I forget how old I am sometimes) but it was a good birthday.

The really big news is that Sawyer is now crawling. It's amazing how much this has changed my life. Gone are the days when I can set him on a blanket on the floor and let him play quietly with his toys. He's on the move and into everything as soon as his knees hit the floor.

A little while ago, Sawyer said his first word, "Dada." He seems to know what it means sometimes, and other times he seems to say it indiscriminately (he'll say it to me, his sippy cup, or his giant Nemo stuffed animal.) The other word he likes to practice unfortunately sounds a lot like "ass." This has caused some amusing situations in public places; shoppers at Target don't quite know how to respond to a chubby-cheeked 9 month old waving his arms in the air and yelling "Ass! Ass! Ass!"

SLEEP

It's been a crazy few weeks since Christmas. Sawyer is teething, so our wonderfully predictable routine of naptimes is totally shot because he has trouble staying asleep. He's also learning to crawl, so he doesn't want to go to sleep in the first place because he's so busy trying to figure out how to get around and rip our house to shreds. It's like we have a newborn again and we are both exhausted.

It's amazing how sleep becomes the most important thing in your life when you're not getting any. (It's similar in that way to sex; no one thinks more about sex than someone who can't have it.) All day long I think about when I'll get to lie down for a nap. I fantasize about it. And when the magic moment comes when I see Sawyer's eyes finally go out of focus and close I have to restrain myself from screaming "Hallelujah!"

Since I've been up so much in the night I've been able to listen to Eric talk in his sleep, which is always fun (although not as fun as sleeping.) The other night I believe he topped the cowboy comment. He looked at me and said "Point that thing somewhere else!" I asked him "What thing?" and he smiled and said "Your ding-a-ling-a-ling!" and giggled hysterically. I pointed out to him that I don't have a "ding-a-ling-a-ling" as such, and he said "In this picture you do" and kept laughing. I don't even want to know where that came from!

Merry Christmas

It's been a really nice Christmas here at our house. For the first time we had Christmas with just our little family instead of travelling to be with our parents, and I'm so glad we did. Not that we don't like our families - we actually missed them a lot - but having just the three of us at home together for Sawyer's first Christmas was a cool experience. Megan, Ryan and baby Caroline (who is starting to fill out and get some adorable chubby cheeks) came over on Christmas Eve for dinner. I attempted to make the dishes my mom traditionally serves: roast beef, mashed potatoes, candied yams, green bean casserole, fruit salad, and her incredible homemade rolls. It turned out pretty well I think. Of course, it's never exactly the same as when mom makes it! But it was a lot of fun to spend so much time cooking and putting it all together.

Christmas morning Eric and Sawyer got up early and played while I slept in until 8:00. (If that had been my only present I would have been happy!) After I woke up we opened our gifts. Saywer had a great time tearing open packages and playing with whatever he found inside; even the safety covers for electric outlets were a hit. My amazing husband gave me a new iPod, complete with engraving on the back that says, "Happy Wife, Happy Life". After all the packages were opened we had a big breakfast and went to church (for only an hour - woohoo!) When we got home we had leftovers for lunch and took a long nap. We talked to our families on the phone and then spent the evening watching our new DVDs of "Scrubs" and "Everybody Loves Raymond" while munching on Christmas candy.

Today we stayed in and played with our new toys, and Eric studied for the written part of his CCIE exam, which he's taking in a few days. He's taking this whole week off from work and it's so nice to have him around. I'm realizing how much I like my own family, and how lucky I am to have them.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Ugly Toys, Happy Boy

Before having a baby I swore I would never let my house get taken over by all those ugly, bright plastic toys that seem to clutter up the living rooms of otherwise decorating-savvy young parents. I was unable to keep my promise to myself though. It started before he was born with the Fisher Price Aquarium swing, given to him by his grandparents. It is truly hideous, but he loved it from the start and it was a convenient place to set him down so it ended up right in the middle of our living room. The latest addition - his ExerSaucer. It's so garish it makes the swing look tasteful, but having a place where he can safely play by himself makes uglying up my house totally worth it. He goes absolutely nuts over the blue elephant; I think once he gets teeth that thing is going to be chewed to pieces. So I guess my point here is that life is all about change and compromise, and one of the compromises of parenthood is having ugly toys in your living room.

24 - The Mommy Version

My name is Chelsea, AKA Mommy. The following takes place on November 15th, 2005. Events occur in real time.

5:47 a.m. I wake up in the dark to the sound of Sawyer cheerfully babbling to himself. "Geesh. Geesh. Geesh. Uh. Uh. Oh." After silently begging him to go back to sleep for a few minutes, I realize that it's not going to happen when Eric comes in from his shower and enthusiastically bounces the bed, making the little munchkin squeal and laugh. Time to get up.

6:02 a.m. Change Sawyer's diaper and get him dressed. Morning is his happiest time of the day so I always feel bad that I'm about as much fun as a snail at such an early hour. I make an effort to be as upbeat as possible by giving him several zerberts and kisses on his cheek.

6:10 a.m. Head downstairs and put Sawyer in his Exersaucer, where he plays joyfully while I watch Fox News and eat a bowl of Fruit Loops (the new breakfast of champions.)

6:30 a.m. Kiss Eric goodbye as he leaves for work. He asks me about some bills I paid and for the millionth time since we got married, I marvel at his ability to think clearly in the morning. At least I know where Sawyer gets his morning perkiness from.

6:48 a.m. Sawyer starts to fuss and wants to be taken out of his Exersaucer. I pick him up and I can tell he's hungry and sleepy. We go upstairs so I can nurse him in bed. When I set him down on the bed and start to pull back the covers he gets all excited, kicking his legs and laughing because he knows what's coming - Eric calls this the Booby Dance.

6:55 a.m. Sawyer falls asleep while nursing, lying on my tummy. YES! Relieved, I gently roll him over onto the mattress, close my eyes and drift off.

9:50 a.m. I wake up again, feeling much more rested than before. Sawyer is lying on his back, grabbing his toes and blowing bubbles. When he sees that I'm awake he grins at me.

10:00 a.m. After another diaper change, we go back downstairs and I set him down in his swing as I put on my tennis shoes and attempt to drag a brush through my hair.

10:05 a.m. I head out for our morning walk, pushing the stroller. It's a gorgeous autumn day. I notice a pile of dog doo on our lawn, which is odd considering that we don't have a dog. One of our neighbors has been letting his/her dog poo on our lawn for a year now. I wonder if we'll ever find out who. I briefly consider calling my brother, the forensic scientist, and asking him to do DNA testing on the poo, but then come to the conclusion that they probably don't have a doggie DNA database.

10:19 a.m. On Sweetbriar Lane I have a brief chat with a neighbor mom who was pushing a brand new baby in a Peg Perego stroller. It's funny how after you have a baby, everyone else who has a baby comes out of the woodwork and suddenly you see moms and babies everywhere. It's a lot easier to talk to strangers too, because you instantly have something in common. I'm momentarily taken aback when she tells me her baby is named "Pablo" - they both have light blond hair.

11:04 a.m. Back home. I hold Sawyer in my lap while I pay bills online and do research on carseats - he has almost outgrown his infant seat. I want a Britax because they are supposed to be the safest, most comfortable ones out there, but I'm still working on justifying the cost ($250+) to Eric. I think I may be able to convince him because most seats have to be replaced once the child is over 35 lbs, but the Britax Marathon can go up to 60 lbs.

11:23 a.m. Bill paying time is over even though I'm not done because Sawyer has a total meltdown. He has very little patience for me being on the computer - it's like he can't understand why I'm staring at that glowing box and ignoring him.

11:30 a.m. Time for Nap #2. This time I nurse him to sleep and sneak off downstairs so I can get some things done. Laundry time!

12:02 p.m. Crap. While carrying laundry I tripped over Eric's shoe in the hallway and woke him up.

12:10 p.m. After nursing him back to sleep I QUIETLY sneak downstairs and continue laundry. While it's washing I download songs from iTunes and chat with the ladies on my LDS Moms discussion board.

12:30 p.m. I have lunch - a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and chocolate milk. I make a grocery list for later.

1:47 p.m. Little guy wakes up. Two good naps - today is a good day!

2:25 p.m. Head out to the grocery store and the post office. Sawyer is not happy about being strapped into his carseat and makes sure I know it. This is why I want to invest in a carseat that is very comfortable for him, it would make my life so much easier if he actually liked being in the car. Luckily the market is just a couple of miles down the street from us.

2:34 p.m. Sawyer is much happier once I get him in his sling and wear him around the grocery store. He gets a big kick out of watching me pick out fruit. he reaches out and tries to grab an apple and when he can't reach it he lets out an unbelievable ear piercing shriek, causing several people around us to laugh.

4:00 p.m. Back from the store with groceries for two weeks. Sawyer falls asleep on the way home so I leave him in his carseat on the floor of the living room while I put things away.

4:11 p.m. He wakes up and is groggy and grumpy. I pick him up, sit in my glider and feed him while I watch Oprah. It's about people who wear the wrong type of jeans and bras for their body. Sawyer is getting worse and worse at nursing while anything is going on around him. He's so curious about what's going on that he constantly turns his head, and he doesn't always remember to let go of my nipple first. OUCH.

5:00 p.m. I take Sawyer upstairs for his third nap, which is usually only about half an hour. I go downstairs and call my mom.

6:00 p.m. He is still asleep! I can start dinner in peace!

6:02 p.m. He's awake. Another diaper change and a quick feed - I guess he didn't eat enough last time thanks to Oprah. Back downstairs to do dinner.

6:04 p.m. We've entered Grumpy Time. The way Sawyer acts in the evening is exactly how I feel in the morning. Ugh.

6:10 p.m. Eric calls to say he's on his way home and that traffic is bad. He can hear Sawyer screaming in the background and I worry that he might turn the car around and head the other direction.

7:00 p.m. Eric is finally home. When I hear his car pull up in front of the house I murmur a silent prayer of thanks. I'm just about at the end of my rope with the little monster. Sawyer momentarily forgets that he's fussy and laughs out loud, kicks his legs and swings his arms when he sees his daddy come through the door. Eric changes his clothes and we sit down to have dinner. We take turns holding Mr. Grumpypants.

7:30 p.m. Eric takes Sawyer upstairs to have his bath and to read him a story, "Curious George and the Bunny". Sawyer likes being read to, but mostly that consists of him trying to grab the book and shove it in his mouth. One day maybe he'll appreciate the stories too and not just the way those cardboard books taste.

7:47 p.m. The little guy is all ready for bed. I lie down with him and nurse him to sleep, then sneak out.

8:15 p.m. Freedom! Eric and I talk for a while, share a bowl of ice cream and watch TV. I get out my scrapbooking stuff and make a new page.

10:02 p.m. I take a bath and read "Yoga Journal" magazine. This is my favorite time of the day. No interruptions, total quiet. Ahhhhhh.

11:00 p.m. Something wakes Sawyer up. I cuddle him back to sleep, which thankfully only takes a couple of minutes.

11:05 p.m. I go back downstairs and watch Season One of "24" which we are renting from Netflix. I wish I could be Jack Bauer! But I wouldn't be nearly as good at torturing people. Plus, I am attracted to men, and Jack Bauer just wouldn't work as a gay guy.

12:00 a.m. I force myself to go to bed. I'm always tempted to stay up way later than I should because it's the only time I'm alone and free to do whatever I want. But I know if I don't set a limit I'll be exhausted tomorrow. When enter our room I have to suppress a giggle because Eric and Sawyer are sleeping in the same position, on their backs with their arms stretched out up over their heads, and they are both snoring. I wish I could take a picture. I nudge Eric to get him to turn over and stop snoring.

12:15 a.m. Asleep...Until the morning.

TV

Since having a baby I watch a lot more TV than I used to. I spend so much time at home now and it's the easiest form of entertainment - I can watch while I'm nursing, folding laundry, bouncing a fussy baby, making dinner, etc. I feel guilty about that, because I don't want to become one of *those* people. Growing up we hardly watched any TV at all. We played outside! We built our own doll houses, made pretend kitchens in the woods, walked to the General Store to get candy, took care of our horses, played with our dogs, etc. Compared to all that we cane up with to do outside, TV was boring. I really want my kids to have the same experience of being active and using their imaginations every day. So I worry about the example I'm setting for Sawyer by always knowing what happened on today's "Oprah." The thing is, there's not really anything else I can do at the same time as all the necessary mom stuff that makes up my day. Occasionally I read while I'm nursing, but I have a hard time focusing into a book when there are constant distractions, as there always are with a baby. Watching reruns of "Malcolm in the Middle" is much more doable. So for now, the boob tube (pun intended) is my main source of entertainment, and sad as it may be, having a few shows I keep up with gives me something to look forward to in an otherwise fairly monotonous week.

By far my favorite right now is "Lost". Eric and I started watching it on the second episode of the first season and we've been hooked ever since. Everything about this show is so well done. The premise is one that's been done a million times: a plane crashes and the survivors are stranded on a desert island where they have to learn to cooperate in order to survive. This is no ordinary island though. Strange, sometimes miraculous things keep happening, including the intrusion of a "monster" which has never been seen but is definitely there. The brilliance of the show is its method of character development. Each episode is dedicated to one of the 16 main characters. As events unfold on the island, periodically there are flashbacks into the life of the character before he or she was stranded. These memories always tie into the current happenings on the island, sometimes in profound ways. At the end of each episode I can't believe that I have to wait an entire week to see what will happen next. ADQ and Sara come over every Wednesday night to watch with me, and that's definitely a highlight of my week.

On the comedy side, my favorite is "The Office". I'm a big fan of the BBC version so I was skeptical about how the American series would turn out. The critics haven't been enthusiastic, but I've been pleasantly surprised. It is a different (more American) sort of humor, but just as hilarious. Steve Carrell plays the bumbling, ego-centric boss, and he does it in his own way, which is snort-Sprite-through-your-nose funny, and also a bit more likeble than Ricky Gervais' character in the British version. (My favorite quote from a couple of weeks ago: "I'm a night owl and an early bird, so that means I'm wise, and I have worms.") If you haven't seen it, the humor is a bit hard to describe, but if you've ever worked in an office before you will recognize every character and the situations are excruciatingly funny.

Those are my two must-see shows, at least until the new season of "24" starts in January. I have others I like, like "Wife Swap" on ABC, "Extreme Makeover Home Edition", "Prison Break," and the occasional episode of "South Park." My sister is always trying to get me into "Desperate Housewives" and "Alias" but I am resisting, because I figure I watch more than enough TV already. One of these days I'll get a cooler hobby, but for now, thank goodness for J.J. Abrams!

Just Had to Share

...some new pictures of my little goofball.



These days he is always in a bib because of the torrent of drool that constantly issues from his cute little mouth. His Aunt Megan calls it his "signature accessory."


He loves to hug his teddy bear...but even more he loves to suck on its nose. So nipple-like!


Here he is pondering the meaning of the existence of his hands (like his mom, he is VERY deep.)


There is nothing cuter than the indignity of a baby in a striped knit cap.

I Heart Matt

I think one of the hardest things about moving to a new area is finding a new hairstylist. In my experience, a good stylist is even harder to find than a good date. In college I had a great one named Jace. He was Japanese and hardly spoke any English, but MAN could that guy do hair! His specialty was color and I've never been so pleased with my highlights as when he did them.

After moving back to the east, I found myself once again without a stylist. I went to several different places with no luck. Then my sister recommended a hair academy near us. I was skeptical, but after my first appointment I was sold. This place is fabulous. Working in the salon is the last thing the students do before graduating, so they really know their stuff, and they all leave to go work in upscale salons where they charge $100 for a haircut. The prices are amazing too - $16 for a cut and style, and around $40 for color, depending on how much they have to use. The only drawback is that you have to be willing to spend at least a couple of hours there, since they really take their time, but I think it's worth it, especially for the price.

I've been there a few times and have always been pleased with the results, but I'm pretty sure that last time I found my stylist, a totally cute guy named Matt. He's working on his master's degree. He is gayer than the day is long, which in itself is enough to recommend him; it's probably totally un-PC to say this, but I'm sorry - gay men make the best hairstylists. There's no comparison, really. When it comes to stylists, I feel like Homer Simpson: "I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fuh-LAM-ing." To give you an idea of just how gay he is, he already has degrees in make-up application and color, and in his spare time he does pageant consulting for Miss America contestants. And - I'm not making this up - his last name is pronounced "Girlie." Matt knows more about hair than anyone I've ever met, and he's completely passionate about it, which is so cool to see. He told me that he used to be a clinical nurse but after 10 years "I needed to do something where I could let my spirits soar!" And soar they do. The whole time he was working on my hair he danced around my chair singing along to the songs that came on the salon's stereo - when Erasure's "Chains of Love" came on I had to hold on to the armrests. He gave me eyebrow advice and I wanted to take notes because he has the most beautifully shaped eyebrows I have ever seen. When he was finished with my hair I absolutely loved it and Matt was even more excited than I was about how it turned out. "Oh sweetie!" he kept saying, "you look GORGEOUS! Totally Jennifer Aniston!" How could that not make my day? I've been feeling so shlumpy lately and spending a couple of hours with Matt was exactly what I needed. Now I've found my stylist. At least, until he graduates.

DOH!

I did the dumbest thing today. I was on my way out the door to visit my sister in the hospital (she's 26 weeks pregnant now and her water broke prematurely so she's now on hospital bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy. Please keep her and baby Caroline in your prayers.) At the last minute I remembered that my purse was upstairs, so I set Sawyer down in his carseat and run up to get it. On my way down my right foot slipped out from under me and I fell onto my butt/back and bumped all the way down our 12 steep, hardwood stairs. OUCH!!! I'm all banged up and in serious pain now. I might go to the doctor tomorrow but my guess is all they can do for me is give me painkillers that aren't good to take while breastfeeding, so I'll probably just take extra strength Tylenol and deal with it. I am so mad at myself for 1) being such a clutz and 2) wearing stupid shoes that hardly have any traction for the sake of fashion. On the other hand, I'm SO glad I didn't have Sawyer in my arms when I fell. He saw the whole thing happen from his carseat and just looked at me like, "Geez mom, what did you do that for?"

First Words

Thanks everyone for your kind words about Walker. No official cause of death yet; we're still waiting for the lab results to come back. Anne, I'm so sorry you lost your cat too. They really do become a part of the family. I still miss him every day.

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On Tuesday, Sawyer said his first words. He looked me right in the eye and said, "Ga ba, ga bee, ggggg [spit bubble, gurgle]." OK, so those aren't technically real words, but still, I was so proud of him! This morning he woke up and immediately started babbling and cooing at the ceiling, kicking his legs and grinning from ear to ear. It was so cute that I didn't even mind that it was 5:45. He's also recently discovered his hands, so he combines these two interests by holding his hands close to his face and talking to them, then shoving them into his mouth.

I had a discussion with my sister Megan the other day about first words. She said that her mother-in-law insists that her son's first word was "basketball." Apparently he watched his dad play so much that he picked up on that before anything else. Suddenly I feel like I have to be careful what I expose Sawyer to. How embarrassing would it be if his first words were "Ryan Seacrest" or "Extreme Makeover"? Or what if it's something vulgar I say to Eric, trying to be funny? (Has anyone seen Meet the Fockers?) When my baby sister (now 11, but still very much the baby of the family) was three she went through a phase where she would watch The Princess Bride every day. She probably had the whole thing memorized, but the one line she would repeat was from the scene where Inigo Montoya finally gets his revenge on the Six-Fingered Man: "I want my father back, you son of a bitch!" complete with a Spanish accent and a menacing grimace. It was pretty entertaining to see her say that in front of guests, especially if they were coming to see my dad for a temple recommend interview. Hmm...maybe I should enjoy the pre-verbal stage while it lasts. But I can't wait to hear what Sawyer is going to say.

For Walker

It's been a rough couple of days. Yesterday morning my cat Walker suddenly and unexpectedly died. He was only a year old and apparently in excellent health. I'd had a long night with Sawyer so I stayed home from church by myself to try and get some rest. Walker had been playful and frisky all morning, attacking my feet as usual and playing with his favorite toy. He followed me upstairs when I went to go lie down. As soon as I had crawled into bed I heard Walker in my closet, meowing very low and quiet. I called him and he didn't answer me or come so I knew something was wrong. I jumped up and ran to the closet where I found him collapsed on the floor, not breathing and with no pulse. For several minutes I tried to resuscitate him, but he was already gone.

Today I drove out to the state lab to have a necropsy performed. The vet who did the examination couldn't find anything wrong, apart from him being a little on the heavy side (I'm sure all that butter was to blame for that). We'll get the lab results back in a couple of weeks but for the moment his sudden passing is a complete mystery.

I miss him so much. We got him right before starting IVF and I totally believe that I owe my ability to deal emotionally with that whole process in large part to him. The day after transfer when I was on bedrest he spent the whole time cuddled up next to me in bed. He had such a fun, quirky personality. I didn't realize before how involved he was in my daily routine, but now that he's gone I notice a huge absence. He would be underfoot while I cooked, he curled up on the side of the tub when I read in the bath, every time I went up or downstairs he would run next to me (several times I nearly fell down the stairs because of him), and he was always there by the door to greet me when I would come home after being out. At night when my foot dangled over the edge of the bed he would sneak up on it and attack. I would yell and he'd scramble off, highly pleased with himself. Funny how now I miss that.

I had a conversation with a friend a while back who had called me shortly after her dog had died. I tried to console her by saying that she would see her dog again in the next life. She immediately disagreed with me and said that her pastor had told her that there are no animals in heaven. I feel intuitively that this can't be right. Why would God create such a variety of life just to have it all cease to exist? Isn't everything God does eternal? When I later went to the scriptures I was comforted to find that Doctrine and Covenants 77 backs me up on this.

2: in...heaven, the paradise of God, the happiness of man, and of beasts, and of creeping things, and of the fowls of the air; that which is spiritual being in the likeness of that which is temporal; and that which is temporal in the likeness of that which is spiritual; the spirit of man in the likeness of his person, as also the spirit of the beast, and every other creature which God has created.

Following verses go on to describe resurrected creatures living "in the enjoyment of their eternal felicity" and "full of knowledge" with "power to move, to act." I doubt it's part of our official doctrine, but I believe in my heart that the relationships we form in this life with our pets will continue in the next. And I believe that includes my Walker. I hope when I pass over to the other side that he's one of the first waiting to greet me, just like he used to wait by the door for me to get home every day.

I'll be seeing you, my friend.

Mean Grandma

I've been back from the family reunion at the beach for a week now and I'm just starting to recover. Well, not really. But doesn't it seem like you're more tired when you get back from a vacation than you were before you left? Maybe it's just me. It was actually a lot of fun. I'm glad I went. It was great to see my aunt and uncles and cousins. It's the first year I can remember where there wasn't a major family altercation, so that's always a plus. We normally stay for a full week, and this time we were only there for 5 days. My new theory is that 5 days is the limit on how long we can stand each other; any more than that and watch out! It was fun seeing my extended family interact with Sawyer. He's the first baby in the new generation, so he got plenty of attention.

The one amusing anecdote I can report happened on the way down to North Carolina (although amusing may not be the best word for it since I'm still pissed off about it). I was caravaning with my parents and sisters and like every year we stopped over in Williamsburg to visit my grandmother. We have a nickname for her but for the purposes of this blog I'll call her Mean Grandma. (Those of you who have been reading for a while might remember that last year she told me I had gotten fat within 10 minutes of our arrival.) This year was even worse because her, shall we say, unpleasantness was directed towards my baby. The evening we arrived we were sitting in her living room and my mom and sisters were taking turns holding Sawyer. Keep in mind that they live in Utah and rarely get to see him. Mean Grandma came into the room with a blanket and told my mom to put the baby on the floor because we were holding him too much and he was going to get spoiled! That is so wrong to me on so many levels. I mean, he's not even 3 months old, he can't sit up or crawl or even flip himself over, so what's he going to do on the floor?? And how on earth is he going to get spoiled by being held by his grandma, who he almost never sees?? My mom politely declined and said "Thanks, but I like holding him." Mean Grandma scowled and put the blanket away. The real shock came later, when she got her panties in a twist because I held Sawyer during dinner. She glared at me during the whole meal. The way she was acting you would have thought I'd brought my pet python to the table. I mean honestly, he's a baby! Note to self: next year skip the trip to Mean Grandma's! She doesn't like me, I don't like her, and I doubt that's going to change in this life. Yeah, it's sad, but I feel like it's not worth the effort to try to get her to like me. Is that wrong? When she starts being mean to my child, that's pretty much the end of the line for me. I don't want him exposed to that crap. Needless to say, I was extremely proud of him when he let out a huge fart during dessert. Way to go, son!

Off to Carolina

I want to give a shout out to Kristine of BCC, who gave me some of the wisest advice I've received yet.

Be patient with yourself and exult in what your body can *do*--creating and sustaining an entire new being is nothing to sneeze at!--and try hard to worry less about how your body looks.

Thanks Kristine for giving me a better perspective on this! I'm going to make an effort to focus on that from now on - especially as I'm sitting on the beach in a bathing suit next week (gasp!)

As of tomorrow I'm going to disappear for a while because once again it's time for the annual family reunion at the Outer Banks. My family is flying here from Utah and I'm really excited to see them. My parents are both a lot happier since my dad's judgeship was confirmed! Last year was kind of a nightmare because he was so stressed. I'll be back with hilarious anecdotes about my dysfunctional extended family, as always.

Visits

I've been MIA lately, once again. It seems that once I get out of the habit of blogging every couple of days I forget to post for weeks on end. This time it was started by a trip out of town. Eric had to go to Las Vegas for Cisco's Networkers conference, so I booked a flight and took Sawyer to Utah to visit my family. My younger sisters who live there had never met him before so it was a great opportunity to spend some time together. It was a wonderful trip. Sawyer was terrific on the plane - I just kept him in his sling and he was content almost the entire time. The whole time we were in Utah my family fought over who got to hold Sawyer - I had to practically pry him away from my sisters in order to feed him. And my mom was equally enamored with him. I'd get up with him at 6:00 a.m. only for my mom to get up, take him away from me and tell me to go back to sleep. Talk about a nice break! My parents also invited a bunch of old friends over for a barbeque, which was a blast. Leave it to my mom to volunteer to make hamburgers, potato salad, and homemade ice cream for 25+ people! I also had lunch with my online buddy group from Fertility Friend. Several of them had had their babies recently and it was so much fun to see them all.

The day after I got back, ADQ and Sara came into town so they could scope out apartments. We hung out for an afternoon and it made me so excited for them to move here.

Other than that I've just been mothering 24/7. I love it so much. I can't believe I haven't always been a mom. It has been a challenge to try to get anything done around the house though. One night Eric sat me down and asked me if we could work out a new system of dividing the housework, because the current system (i.e. me doing everything) obviously was not working. I just laughed, because only a few hours before I had been thinking to myself "wow, I'm really staying on top of things!" My feelings were hurt for a while, but it turned into a good thing, because I got organized and made a chore list that actually included Eric. He'll rue the day he complained!

Baby Laughs, Star Wars, and Scrubs

In the spirit of OSC's great column at hatrack.com, I thought I'd start blogging about my opinions of books, movies and various products. Not that I'm an expert on any of those things, but if you're reading my blog you might care what I think, right? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Books

Since I'm a new mom, I've naturally been doing a lot of reading about babies. It was around my seventh month of pregnancy that I realized that I knew quite a bit about being pregnant - I had Dr. Sears' The Pregnancy Book and What to Expect When You're Expecting practically memorized (I loved the first, hated the second) - but I had absolutely no idea what to do with a baby once it was outside of me. So I started reading up and haven't stopped since. I picked up a copy of Baby Laughs by Jenny McCarthy (the former host of the dating show "Singled Out" on MTV) because several new moms had recommended it to me. Now that I've read it, I really wonder why. As it turns out, Jenny McCarthy isn't a very good writer. (I know, what a shock.) At the turn of every page I kept thinking, "I could have done better than this!" Not only is the writing bad, but she is seriously un- or misinformed about nearly every subject she addresses. She talks about the fact that breastfeeding can cause saggy breasts and how she decided not to breastfeed so hers still look fine. Guess what, Jenny? It's not bottle feeding that's keeping your ladies perky; it's the GIANT IMPLANTS inside of them. She mentions her implants several times elsewhere in the book, so it shouldn't have been hard for her to put two and two together. I guess hosting an MTV dating show doesn't make you a parenting expert. Anyway, maybe this is snobby of me, but I generally like to have the illusion preserved that the author whose book I'm reading is smarter than I am. So if you're looking for a book about being a new mom, skip Baby Laughs.

A great alternative is Vicki Iovine's The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood. It's well written, very funny, and even has a lot of useful information. It's also unique in that it mainly addresses how to take care of yourself during the first year rather than how to take care of your baby. Iovine has written a whole series of "Girlfriends'" books, including The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy (Everything Your Doctor Won't Tell You) and The Girlfriends' Guide to Getting Your Groove Back, and they are all equally funny and informative.

Movies

As I mentioned in a previous post, Eric, Sawyer and I went to see Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith a few weeks ago. Like so many others, we've been Star Wars fans since we can remember - literally, since we were born the year after A New Hope was released.(By the way, did you know that A New Hope's original title was Adventures of the Starkiller? True story.)And also like many others, we were disappointed in Episodes I and II. We both liked Sith a lot more. Finally, some character development! Yeah, OK, the script was still awful, but I felt like the story was good enough that even the worst lines were forgivable. By the end I felt empathy for Anakin/Darth, which I wouldn't have thought possible before. He faced the ultimate ethical dilemma: will you do the right thing even if it means losing the person you love the most? Watching him make the wrong choice was absolutely heartbreaking. Eric was depressed for the rest of the evening - I think the whole wife-dying-in-childbirth thing hit a little too close to home. Speaking of the childbirth scene, is it just me or did Padmé look about 4 months pregnant while she was in labor? I laughed when they held up two chubby 8 pound babies. Where was she keeping them?

On DVD

For the past week I've been watching the first season of Scrubs, which recently came out on DVD. I spend so much time nursing these days that I set up the glider in front of the TV and now as soon as I'm set up I just hit play and watch an episode at a time. I'm convinced that Scrubs is one of the most underrated shows ever. The writing is clever and funny in a quirky way you don't often see in a 30 minute show. It has Zach Braff. And it often gets musical! Here are a few of my favorite clips.

If You Want My Body, And You Think I'm Sexy, Come on Baby, Let Me Know... What...no one?

So I'm having some body issues. While I was pregnant I felt fine, because pregnant women are supposed to look huge and bloated. Now that I've been unpregnant for over a month, I'm getting impatient for things to get back to normal. I gained 30 lbs during the pregnancy, and I've lost 20 so far. Sounds great, right? Well yeah, until you know that I started out the pregnancy about 20 lbs heavier than I should have been. So, 20 lbs lost, 30 to go. Man, that's almost as depressing as already having my period back (oh yeah, I saw the doctor today, and everything is fine; she is 99% sure the bleeding is in fact a period. I have 30 day cycles, and the bleeding started exactly 30 days after delivery. Apparently I'm the queen of period regularity. YAY.) I've had a slight weight issue since I got married. I know, go ahead, point and laugh at the girl who got married and got fat. It's embarrassing because it's such a cliche!

Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn't getting married that did it to me. I didn't really start to gain weight until we had been married for a year and I graduated from BYU. During college I was very active. I walked several miles a day getting to and from classes, and I usually had one or two dance or PE classes that kept me moving. After graduating, I didn't have to walk anywhere and I didn't have classes to make me get off my butt, and basically I got lazy. Add to the mix the stress of infertility, moving to a place where I didn't have any friends, and a post-graduate identity crisis and it's pretty obvious that I was set up to get a permanent case of the munchies.

I'm ready for a change now. It's time to get serious and get moving, because if I don't lose it before the next pregnancy, it's a slippery slope to becoming Fat Mormon Lady.

On the brighter side, here's a new picture of my little boy. He makes getting fat TOTALLY worth it!

Hallelujah! And Ugh.

The most amazing thing has occurred. For two nights in a row, Sawyer has slept for six hours straight! Without waking up for a feeding! And without waking me up at all! I can't even describe how good I felt this morning after having that much uninterrupted sleep. In my former life, six hours would have been a terrible night and I would have been grumpy for the rest of the day, but now that same amount of sleep is like manna from heaven. I'm not counting on this becoming a regular occurrence yet since he's still so little, but I'll take what I can get!

On the down side, I have to go to my doctor to get checked out tomorrow. After tapering off last week, my postpartum bleeding has returned (I know, ew) and it's a lot heavier than it should be (double ew). The nurse I spoke to on the phone today said she thought either I have been overexerting myself, or my period has already come back. Good heavens. I hope it's the former, because having Aunt Flo show up again this early when I'm exclusively breastfeeding would be too depressing for words.

Firsts

Sawyer is one month old today. I can't believe it's already been that long! He's already growing and changing so much. Here are some of his firsts:

1) His first bottle. I am something of a purist when it comes to breastfeeding and I was reluctant to introduce the bottle too soon for fear that it would cause nipple confusion (that sounds like the title of a risqué film, but I promise it's not) and make breastfeeding more difficult. But reality soon set in that if we never gave him a bottle, Eric would never be able to help with feeding him. Since Sawyer is one of those babies who wants to eat all the time, I get burned out on nursing pretty quickly, especially after a night where he's on a feeding marathon from 12 to 6 a.m. It turns out my fears were completely unfounded: Sawyer is a pro at both breast and bottle. I guess he likes food enough to get it any way he can. So the plan is for me to pump a few ounces a day so Eric can give him a bottle in the evening.

2) His first movie. When he was three weeks old we braved the theater and took him to see Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. We'll make him a sci-fi geek if it's the last thing we do! He did great and slept almost the whole time, except for once when he woke up hungry and I fed him right in my seat without having to get up. I would have felt weird about that except that it was a Wednesday and no one was sitting near us.

3) His first smile. He's smiled in his sleep ever since he was born, but he's just now starting to smile socially. When he looks at me and gives me a goofy, lopsided grin it makes my whole day worthwhile. We'll do pretty much anything to see that smile.

4) His first social outing. A group of women in my ward have a playgroup on Wednesdays and I took him this week. "Playgroup" is sort of a misnomer, since the other kids are all between 6 months and 1 year old; it's really for the moms. I like the women in my ward. Everyone is friendly and open and not at all clique-y. And it was nice to get out for a while and have some adult conversation, even if all we talked about was our babies.

5) His first bath. We gave him his first bath at a week old, right after his umbilical cord stump had fallen off. I take a bath every night to help me unwind (and also to make my Lovenox shot hurt less - I'm still taking those) and Eric brings him up to me and plunks him in. He loves it. No matter how fussy he is, he quiets right down as soon as he's in the water and screams when he's taken out. We have a little fishy on our hands.

Stuff I'm Learning

Our good friends Aaron and Katy recently sent us a really cool gift. It's a book called The New Parents' Book of Firsts: The Seemingly Insignificant but Truly Astounding Accomplishments of Mom and Dad. Instead of being about baby's first steps or first projectile vomiting incident, it has pages to record the things mom and dad do along the way, like "The First Time You Used Your Own Saliva To Clean Your Baby's Face." There really is a lot of stuff you learn from the birth experience and the early weeks of caring for a new baby. Here's some of what I've picked up so far.

1) Labor really does hurt. A lot. Sorry Elaine, but it's true! I can't lie to you. I was expecting it to be painful, but nothing could have prepared me for what it was actually like - and I thought my pain threshold was pretty high considering that I have endometriosis and suffer through terrible cramps every month. It really is true though that as soon as it's over you know it's more than worth it because the reward at the end is so great. I was ready to do it all again the next day. And this may be my hormones talking, but I am so grateful that I got to experience that pain. It's totally empowering to go through what millions of women have gone through and to know that I survived it! (at least for those six hours before I caved in and begged for drugs.) And it also makes me really really really grateful for whoever invented the epidural.

2) Sleep deprivation is a really big deal. I have to admit I severely underestimated how this would affect me. I thought, "OK, so I'll be a little tired for a while." It never occurred to me that there's a good reason they use sleep deprivation to torture prisoners of war. In reality, I'm walking around like a zombie most of the time. It affects every aspect of life, from my ability to think logically to my fantasies. All of my daydreaming now consists of visions of being tucked up in bed and sleeping for eight hours straight. Which leads to my next observation.

3) 2 hours + 2 hours + 2 hours does NOT = 6 hours of sleep. There's a scientific explanation for this, involving the importance of REM and deep sleep cycles, but my head is much too muddled to sort through it right now.

4) I love breastfeeding. I always planned on breastfeeding Sawyer, but I had no idea how much I would enjoy it, or how easy it would be. I guess I'd heard so many horror stories from my mom friends that I was prepared for it to be difficult and painful to master. So it totally surprised me that aside from one day of engorgement, it's been a breeze. It helps that Sawyer is a voracious eater and has had great latching-on skills from the start. Given our love of food, I should have known we'd have a gourmet on our hands. Breastfeeding produces some funny stories too. A couple of days after my milk came in I was feeding Sawyer and not really paying attention to him because I was reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy at the same time. I suddenly noticed he was making a sputtering sound, and I looked down to see that he had let go of my nipple and milk was spraying all over him - on top of his head, in his eyes, everywhere. Poor little guy.

5) I love having Sawyer sleep in our room. I remember when Eric and I were engaged and we were visiting an old mission companion of Eric's who is married and has a little boy. The friend mentioned that their son (who was almost 2 at the time) sleeps in their bed with them. Eric and I looked at each other and later both agreed that we thought it was weird and maybe even a little creepy. Now it's not at all weird to me and feels like the most natural thing in the world - which it actually is. Our culture is unique in the world when it comes to putting babies to sleep in a separate room from their mothers. We have a great little bed for him called the Arm's Reach Co-sleeper (endorsed by Dr. Sears, author of many informative and only slightly self-righteous parenting books.) It attaches to the side of our bed so when Sawyer wakes up at night I can roll over and pick him up to feed him or comfort him. I love that he is right next to us and I can always open my eyes and make sure he's OK. Plus I can feed him as soon as he wakes up and starts grunting, but before he gets hysterical crying, so he goes back to sleep easily. We'll see what happens when it comes time to move him to his own room, but for now this is working really well for us.

And I'm sure I'll have a lot more to share soon! For now I'll be sitting slack-jawed on the couch in the same clothes I wore yesterday, waiting for Eric to get home so I can take a shower.

Pictures

Sawyer's Birth Story

It started on Wednesday, May 4. I had a midwife appointment that morning and after my internal exam (where I'm pretty sure she stripped my membranes) I had lots of cramping throughout the day. I also had some leaking that I thought might be amniotic fluid, but I wasn’t sure because there was such a tiny amount of it. But I definitely felt like something was different, so that night I decided to skip my Lovenox shot just in case. It’s a good thing I did, because at 2:30 a.m. my water broke. I had just made a trip to the bathroom and as I got back into bed I sat up partway to adjust myself and get comfortable. All of a sudden I felt a gush of warm water. It took me about 5 seconds to register what had just happened. I woke Eric up and said “My water just broke!” and jumped out of bed. When he asked “Are you sure?” I just laughed because at that point I was standing in a puddle. There was no mistaking what had happened! We called Margie, the midwife on call and she told us to come to the hospital so they could check me. Eric took a quick shower and I got dressed. I was still leaking a ton of fluid so I wore a short dress with a towel stuffed between my legs. I was glad it was in the middle of the night so none of the neighbors could see me waddling out of the house in that condition. Before we left, Eric gave me a blessing that I would be able to cope with the pain and that everything would go smoothly, and that was very comforting.

I started having contractions on the way to the hospital. They were mild and about 4-5 minutes apart, so I had no problem breathing through them, although some of the bumps we hit didn’t feel very good. Mostly I was excited to get my baby here and I wasn’t thinking too much about the pain. When we arrived at the hospital at 3:00 a.m. they had us sign some forms and put us in a labor and delivery room. They checked with a pH strip and confirmed that my water had broken. I was less than a centimeter dilated, 50% effaced and my contractions were still very mild. Margie and Dr. Giamittorio discussed sending me home to wait for things to get into gear, but since there was a possibility that my water may have been leaking since earlier in the day they decided to keep me and get things moving - the risk of infection increases greatly if the baby isn’t delivered within 24 hours of the membranes rupturing.

While Lynn, my labor and delivery nurse started my IV, Margie put some prostaglandin gel on my cervix to ripen it, with the plan of starting pitocin a few hours later. The pitocin turned out to be unnecessary though, because within 10 minutes of the gel being applied my body went into high gear. The contractions were instantly extremely strong and less than 2 minutes apart. I managed the pain by walking around the room and holding on to Eric while I swayed my hips back and forth. Lynn was incredible and talked me through the difficult contractions, held my hand and rubbed my back. I was having back labor and the pain was quickly getting hard for me to manage, even with so much support from Eric and my nurse. After about 4 hours I was desperate for relief. I asked for an epidural, but Margie and the doctor both felt it was too early, so instead they gave me a shot of Nubain to help me get through for a little longer. Lynn put some in my IV and injected some in my hip. It helped a lot at first. The contractions were just as painful as before, but I was able to relax between them which I hadn’t been able to do previously. The downside was that I had to stay in bed and I wasn’t able to move around like I had done before; in hindsight, this took away a lot of my ability to cope with the contractions.

About 45 minutes later the Nubain wore off and they gave me another dose. This time it was completely ineffectual. I felt dizzy and disoriented with no relief. It was around this point that I felt like I was losing control. I asked for an epidural again, so Margie came in to check me and see what kind of progress had been made in the last 5 hours. Given the strength of my contractions and the pain I was in I was shocked to hear that I was still only one centimeter dilated! My cervix hadn’t budged. Margie told me to hang in there for a few more hours and they would think about an epidural. She was worried having one this early would stall my labor. At this point I was feeling completely desperate and the thought of going through this for hours more sounded like a death sentence. Lynn was quite upset that my doctor wouldn’t let me have the epidural because she could see how much pain I was in. She said “I’ve been doing this for 20 years and I know when someone needs an epidural; you need one.” I was so tense from the pain that I couldn’t let my body relax and do its job. After another half hour of screaming and gripping the sides of the bed (I was squeezing so hard that my blood started flowing backwards in the IV) Lynn called Margie in to sit with me for a while. After a few minutes she left, and came back to say that they had called for the anesthesiologist.

At a little after 9:00 he arrived. I’ve never been so glad to see a huge needle in my life! He worked very quickly and I wanted to kiss him and name my child after him. (Unfortunately I was too disoriented to remember his name; in fact I have no idea what he even looked like.) At about 9:10 I told Lynn, “Either I just wet the bed or amniotic fluid is gushing out.” She said “It’s fluid, because right now you’re at the peak of a huge contraction.” If I had been able to I would have jumped up and done a happy dance. The pain was completely gone! I was able to feel and move my legs and I could feel pressure from the contractions, but they didn’t hurt at all. Eric said he had never seen such a transformation in his life. A few minutes later I was eating a popsicle and chatting with my mom on my cell phone. I was even able to doze off a bit, but I was way too excited to actually sleep. In a way it was completely weird to have no unpleasant sensations, and yet be very aware that my body was doing some really hard work. My contractions didn’t slow down one bit but continued exactly the way they had before, strong and fast. Eric and I talked, he played with my hair and rubbed my back and the time passed very pleasantly. It was so nice to have those quiet moments together before our son was born.

At around 1:00 p.m., Margie checked me again. I was dilated to 5 centimeters! Things kept moving along at a moderate pace, about a centimeter an hour. The baby’s heart rate started to decelerate too much when I was on my left side, so they had my lie on my right side for the rest of the labor. At about 6:00 I started feeling a lot of pelvic pressure and I could tell the baby’s head was moving down. Margie had left and Karen was the midwife who took her place. I had a new nurse too, Rachel, who had a quirky sense of humor and kept making us laugh. At 6:40 the pressure became more intense (but hallelujah, still no pain!) and when Karen checked I was fully dilated and ready to push. They figured it would take a while since this was my first delivery, so Rachel said “Let’s try pushing and see how it goes.” Eric held one of my legs and Rachel held the other. We waited for a contraction, and on my first push the nurse announced “He’s a blondie!” His head was already visible and it was clear that it wasn’t going to take that long for him to be born. They called Karen back in and set up a mirror so I could see. It was so amazing to watch! I pushed for 20 more minutes. It was hard work, but felt so empowering; in sharp contrast to just dealing with the pain, I was DOING something and I could see that it was productive.

Karen was suddenly called out on an emergency, so I got my third midwife, Sue. We had a bit of a scare when the baby was close to crowning and his heart rate suddenly decelerated. Sue decided he needed to come out as quickly as possible, so she had a nurse apply fundal pressure, which basically means this lady put all her weight on my stomach with her elbows to push the baby out from above. It hurt a lot and I could barely breathe, but I pushed as hard as I could and within a couple of pushes his head was out. He had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, which explained the decelerations. His shoulders came out easily, and Sue helped me reach down and pull his body out and pull him up onto my chest. It was the most indescribably amazing moment I’ve ever experienced. I cried and laughed at the same time and Eric couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear. Little Sawyer didn’t cry at all, just whimpered a few times, and then looked around the room completely alert like he was just taking it all in.

He weighed 6 lbs 5 oz and was 17 ½ inches long – well over a pound smaller than the lowest ultrasound estimate. His Apgar scores were 9 and 9. I held him and nursed him for about an hour before they took him to the nursery for a bath. I was (and still am) completely overwhelmed with love for him. I was in awe of how perfect and tiny he was and that he was mine.

My mom came into town the next day - she had been planning on coming out for the birth, but Sawyer’s early arrival took us all by surprise. On Saturday they let us go home from the hospital and we’ve been getting settled in ever since, getting to know Sawyer and learning to how care for him.

My birth experience was wonderful and I feel like I could do it ten more times! (You should see the look on Eric’s face when I say that, it’s really funny.) Now that we have Sawyer home I am growing more and more in love with him every day. Eric and I feel closer than ever before and we can’t wait to see who this precious little person grows up to be.

Welcome Home, Sawyer

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days - but I've had a really good excuse. Our baby is here!

William Sawyer Watts was born at 7:06 p.m. on Thursday May 5th (his great-grandpa William's birthday!) weighing 6 lbs 5 oz, 17 1/2 inches long. Labor and delivery went very smoothly and we are both exhausted but doing great. I'll post the whole birth story later; right now I have a baby at my breast and I'm not very good at typing with one hand. Sawyer is already the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I can't believe how precious he is and how much I already love him.

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Great News

I've known this for a while, but I'm just now free to share it with the world at large. My sister Megan is pregnant! She's about 9 weeks along and is due in late November/early December. We've become really close since we live so near each other and I'm so excited for us to have babies together!

Time to Suck It Up

I saw Melinda the midwife again this morning. And my cervix is being a little bastard. Despite all the evening primrose oil and raspberry leaf tea I've been taking, I'm only 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated. My midwife told me to increase the EPO to 1500 mg three times a day (total of 4500) and have lots and lots of sex. Yay. I told her we haven't been doing it much because it's so uncomfortable for both of us and she said, "Girl, this isn't about pleasure! This is business! Suck it up and get the job done!" Hmm, where did I ever get the whacky idea that sex was supposed to feel good?

The original plan was to wait until next Wednesday to check me again, but I whined pathetically enough that she took pity on me and had me schedule a quick appointment for Friday. She also poked around a bit more than usual during my internal check, and I'm pretty sure she stripped my membranes (it was rough enough that I yelled "Ow!"). So we'll see if anything happens in the next little while. I've been feeling really crampy for the last couple of days, like when my period's about to start so hopefully that means something is going on in there.

Here's a picture from last week (37 weeks) to prove to you how huge I'm getting. First is my 32 week picture so you can compare. Yowza!

He's Put On a Few

About a week ago Safeway was having a sale on Thomas bagels where if you bought one bag you got two free. Eric and I both love bagels and I'm a sucker for a good deal, so naturally I stocked up. E had one for breakfast with butter and jam one day and decided to leave a stick of butter on a plate out on the counter so the next time he wanted butter for his bagel it would be nice and soft and spreadable. Throughout the week I noticed the butter quickly disappearing. "Wow," I thought, "Eric's really on a bagels-with-butter kick." I'm a cream cheese freak myself so I wasn't using any of it. What struck me as odd, besides how fast it was going, is that it was being cut from the top instead of the ends. I had never noticed my husband's butter spreading habits before, so I figured it must just be his own quirky way of doing things.

Fast forward to Friday evening as Eric and I were eating dinner. We heard our cat Walker jumping up on the kitchen counter. He's not allowed up there and knows it but we've been completely ineffectual in training him not to jump up. I went into the kitchen, but by the time I got there he had jumped down and run into the basement. E came in behind me armed with the spray bottle, looked at the counter and a got a weird look on his face. The butter was completely gone and the plate was licked clean. "Honey?" he said. "Have you been eating the butter?" I told him no, I thought he had. He hadn't used it all week since that first bagel. He didn't want to say anything to me about it because I'm so sensitive about gaining pregnancy weight and he didn't want to hurt my feelings by implying that he was concerned that I was eating large amounts of butter on a daily basis.

No wonder the cat has been looking a bit chunky.

Come On, Cervix!

It looks like I may be saved from waiting too much longer. At my appointment this week, my perinatologist suggested that I be induced at 39 weeks. I asked my OB about this and he agreed. The reason they would be willing to do this is that I'm currently taking Lovenox injections every day to manage my blood clotting disorder. It's not a good thing to have a shot of Lovenox right before going into labor for a couple of reasons. First, since it's a blood thinner it could cause me to bleed too much during delivery. And second, I can't get an epidural within 24 hours of having a shot. The medication does something to the spinal space that can cause blood clots to form if spinal anesthesia is administered, and that can cause paralysis for life. Obviously, they don't want to mess around with that. So if I had just given myself an injection of Lovenox and went into labor in the next couple of hours, chances are I would not have the option of having an epidural. With an induction, they can schedule me to stop the Lovenox exactly 24 hours before starting labor so my options would be open.

Wednesday I have another NST and they will do an internal exam to see if my cervix is "favorable" for induction. They want it to be dilated and effaced to a certain point. If my cervix is unfavorable, it's a no go because my chances of winding up with a C-section would be too high. If it's favorable, they'll schedule me for an induction the next week, sometime around the 10th.

So of course, I'm doing everything I can to make my cervix "favorable". Enter herbal remedies. I'm using evening primrose oil capsules and drinking raspberry leaf tea. My midwife also suggests having intercourse every day (I'm sorry, but all I can do when I think about that is laugh.)

The bottom line is, we may be less than two weeks from D-Day. Send favorable cervix vibes my way!