Waiting

There are lots of things about infertility that are hard. Invasive testing, surgeries, needles, mood swings, being on a constantly moving emotional roller coaster, the list goes on. Someone asked me the other day what the hardest part is. I answered without hesitation: WAITING.

Every step along the way of an IVF cycle involves waiting, which can literally add up to months, even years. You wait for your initial appointment. You wait for your period to start. You wait for test results, then wait to schedule yet another test. You wait for your estrogen to go up, or your lining to thicken, or your estrogen to go down. You wait, yet again, for the nurse to call you back (this is what I'm waiting for today.) And the biggest wait of all, where after all the testing and procedures you wait on pins and needles to find out if it all worked or if you get to start the waiting process all over again. 

This cycle has had even more waiting than normal because for the first time EVER since hitting puberty, my period was late. Ten days late. They put me on provera to get things going, which worked much more quickly than it was supposed to, which means it's anyone's guess how long it will last and if I can go through the testing I've scheduled (period has to end before the tests.) Speaking of which, here are the dates for those tests. Very tentative at this point because of my screwed-up cycle.

3/31 - HSG (SO nervous about this one, and I really wish Eric could come with me. Still trying to work that out.)

4/5 - mock embryo transfer

4/6 - SHG

4/7 - hysteroscopy and endometrial biopsy

If all goes well we're looking at a transfer date somewhere from mid-May to early June. 

If I can wait that long.

Obligatory Catch-Up Post

In 2010...

Sawyer turned 5 years old, and is attending the special education preschool program again with his beloved teacher Ms. Brenda. We're trying to get him as ready as possible for kindergarten in the fall, and at this point it's looking like he'll do well in a mainstreamed class. It's amazing how much he has improved. Still no diagnosis but we're working on it along with his teachers and developmental pediatrician.

I planted more tulips. I will not rest until every inch of flower bed is full of tulips!

We finally replaced the dirty white carpet in our family room with hardwood - so much easier to keep clean!

We had lots of playdates with cousins Caroline and Mary Grace, always Sawyer's most favorite friends.

I went to Girls Camp as a stake level leader, and it was the highlight of my summer. I'm now working with the young women at church, and I get to be a level leader again this summer - yay!

The other highlight of my summer was spending two whole weeks at the Outer Banks with my family. Relaxing, refreshing, rejuvenating...take your pick. Eric even came for about 5 days.

Penny picked up a bad case of scabies at the boarding kennel while we were gone. It took us 3 vet visits to finally figure out why she was so itchy all the time. Poor doggie in the Cone of Shame.

In September we adopted another rescue dog, Duncan. He's a 1 year old Golden Retriever and loves every human being in the world like crazy. We love him too, even though my vacuuming has tripled since we brought his furry butt home.

Sawyer had a blast being Buzz Lightyear for Halloween. He was a big hit at the town parade - even though he wasn't actually in it. Kids from the floats kept yelling "Hey! I see Buzz Lightyear!"

We attended the Rally to Restore Sanity on October 30. Sawyer loved it, especially when we had to force our way onto a packed Metro car to get there. He kept telling everyone we saw "I'm going to a rally!"

I completed the Couch to 5k program in preparation to run my first 5k (the "Freeze Your Gizzard" in Leesburg) but unfortunately got injured the week before the race (not from running - from Duncan running into my shin! No break, just a bone bruise but the doctor was scared about blood clots.) I'll do another one someday. 

Maybe.

In December Sawyer lost his first tooth. He didn't even tell us it was loose, I just went to put him in the bath and noticed that it was missing. We found it on the kitchen floor.

We stayed in Virginia for the holidays this year. For Thanksgiving we had dinner with Robbie, Michael, Erin, and her friend Avery, and a fun brunch at Megan and Ryan's the next day. We spent Christmas Eve attending church with Megan, Ryan and their kids and had dinner at their home (where Sawyer lost his second tooth - Santa and the Tooth Fairy came the same night!)

We took Sawyer to his first Kennedy Center performance - The Nutcracker. He loved it and, to our great surprise, sat still through the whole thing.

After Christmas we flew to Utah to see my little sister Tori get married to Billy Strong during one of the biggest snowstorms of the year. It was wonderful to be there for their special day as well as to spend time with my mom. Another shining moment was spending New Year's Eve in a sports bar called Wing Nutz trying desperately not to laugh as a group of very white Provo rappers "performed" a few feet away from us.

Concerts! I got a few good ones in this year - Ray Lamontagne and David Gray at Merriweather Post Pavilion in August, The Weepies at State Theater in November, Joshua Radin at the 9:30 Club February 15, and David Gray again just last week at the Music Center at Strathmore in Bethesda. The last one was quite possibly the pinnacle of my entire concert-going career - front row, dead center, acoustic tour. Perfection.

Anyone still out there?

Wow, 11 months. That's even longer than I thought.

You can probably guess what brings me back - the same reason that starting me blogging in the first place: We're getting ready to embark on more Adventures in Infertility.

Last time on A.I.I.... Three years ago we visited our R.E. to plan the transfer of our remaining 3 frozen blastocysts (embryos). All systems were go...and then we discovered that our insurance wasn't going to cover a single cent of it. So we decided to save up some more money and wait a while longer.  In the meantime we discovered Sawyer's developmental delays, moved and bought a house, and Eric changed jobs several times.

Finally, we seem to have reached an equilibrium. We're settled into our new home, Sawyer is doing great, and we have enough money in the bank to proceed. The time is right. AND joy of joys, it looks like our insurance is actually going to be very helpful this time around (if our paperwork is correct, everything should be covered at 90%.)

I had a consult with Dr. A on February 21 and we have a game plan. Since it's been so long since our last IVF, I need to undergo all the screening tests again. That will include:

-Baseline transvaginal ultrasound
-Preconception bloodwork/female infectious disease panel (more bloodwork)
-HSG X-ray (this was the really painful one for me last time; this time I will be armed with narcotics)
-SHG/pelvic exam
-Hysteroscopy and endometrial biopsy (another ouchie)
-Mock embryo transfer

If all goes well with the testing, transfer should be sometime around mid-April. 

As soon as my next cycle begins I can schedule the tests and get the ball rolling. It feels slightly terrifying to be plunging into all this again, even more so than the first time, because now I know what it entails. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. But I feel ready, definitely more ready than I ever have been before. Probes, shots, stress, hormones, headaches, hope. Bring it on!