60 Days

In exactly 60 days we will be climbing aboard this:

We'll be on it for 6 nights in the western Caribbean, doing this:

and this:

and this:

and this:

and this:

We've booked our first ever Disney cruise. Actually, our first ever cruise. And actually (this is kind of embarrassing) our first ever family vacation with just our family. Since Sawyer was born we've always gone with extended family or friends. I am beyond excited to spend some time doing amazingly fun things in warmer weather with just the three of us. Well, just the three of us and a couple thousand new friends.

And yep, if you looked at your calendar you're right - in 60 days it's Christmas Eve. This will be an unconventional Christmas for sure but I'm very much looking forward to not having to cook or clean or wrap a bunch of gifts this year. After everything we've gone through in the past several months, we all need a break. And we desperately need something to look forward to other than shots and procedures. My beta test following this next FET is December 12, and the thought of spending Christmas at home a couple weeks after another negative or chemical pregnancy is too depressing for words. This way even if the results are bad, we'll be busy getting ready to travel and will have lots of pampering and excitement in the future. And if the results are good, even better. The countdown is on!

FET #2

It looks like we're ready to go...for what I sincerely hope is the last time. My period arrived on Sunday (and I'm using the term "period" very loosely, since I've learned that what happens after a chemical pregnancy bears almost no resemblance to my usual AF visit.) I had to go back to the RE this morning for one final beta test to make sure that my HCG level is down to the negative range. It is (yay?) so that means I'm cleared to start birth control pills again tonight. Here's the upcoming schedule:


October 12 - start BCPs and Lovenox (the shot-free days were nice while they lasted!)
November 7 - take last BCP
November 12 - baseline ultrasound, to make sure lining is thin and I don't have any cysts or anything. Turn in consent forms. Begin meds - Delestrogen, 4 mg every 3 days (unfortunately another big IM needle - but at least it's not every day.)
November 23 - ultrasound to check lining, bloodwork to check progesterone and estradiol. Begin progesterone-in-oil shots somewhere around this time.
November 28 - TRANSFER! The Monday after Thanksgiving.
December 12 - beta test


I'm still feeling very sad about this past cycle. Not knowing why it didn't work when everything looked perfect is really, really hard. At least with our failed FET we knew that the embryos we transferred weren't good quality and there wasn't much of a chance that it would work.  This time everything went so smoothly and all the pieces fell into place. I am definitely glad that we decided to go against our doctor's wishes and transfer two, because if we had only done one I'd be wondering right now if it might have worked had we done two. At least we know we did everything we possibly could. And there is a lot to be grateful for:

1) that we have TEN excellent embryos waiting. That gives me so much hope.
2) that despite having a record-setting 68 eggs retrieved, I only had mild OHSS. No fluid had to be drained. Seriously, that's a miracle.
3) that we have the means to continue treatment. This is not the end of the line.

Chemical ... Again

I hate that I have to do this update - but I do.

This cycle is officially a bust. At 8dp5dt (8 days past a 5 day transfer, or 13 days past ovulation) I got a faint positive on a First Response test. I was excited but worried because I knew it was fairly late to be getting a positive test and that usually means low HCG levels, which usually means chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage.) The tests kept getting darker over the next several days, but then when I had my blood test on Tuesday it came back at only 22. We tested again today to see if by some miracle the number would double, but today it was down to 7. Another chemical pregnancy. Here's the HPT progression - as gross as it is to post pictures of pee sticks, I find it really interesting. Especially keeping in mind that my HCG today was at 7, and I still got a clear second line. That is a sensitive test!

Obviously we are very sad and disappointed. Everything went so perfectly this cycle that we really had our hopes up. But we do have a lot to be grateful for. I'm relieved that it didn't take us weeks this time to find out that this pregnancy is not viable. And we have 10 awesome looking blastocysts that are frozen and waiting to be transferred.

We plan to move ahead right away with doing a frozen embryo transfer. Our insurance coverage is maxed out (amazing how quickly we reached that $15,000 lifetime maximum!) so from this point on we'll be paying for everything completely out of pocket. Needless to say, we very much hope that the next cycle will be the one that works.