Friday, January 02, 2009

Back to my roots

For some reason I've been thinking a lot about the origin of my blogging career (using the term "career" very loosely, since my posting is sporadic at best, and no one is paying me. I have to pay people to read it. Usually with favors.) When I first started blogging, it was about our adventures with infertility and IVF. Since Sawyer is now 3 1/2 we've had a lot of people asking us when we're going to do IVF again. I've brought the questioning on myself by being way out of the IVF closet, and by announcing openly that we were going to transfer our embryos last year - before we found out our insurance was cheaping out on us. Anyway. It's really hard to explain to people that I'm just not ready to go through the whole process again. I know my kids (if we're successful) are going to be several years apart, which is probably not optimal, etc, but...I just can't bring myself to make that phone call to Dr. A right now.

Part of the problem is that people don't realize what the IVF process entails. They think of it as a one-time visit to the doctor, one procedure, and then you find out if you're pregnant or not. In reality, it's a multi-step, months long process of painful testing, invasive procedures, lots of money spent, more needles than I ever thought I'd see in a lifetime...and the whole time no one knows whether or not it will even work.

And I haven't even experienced what a lot of IVFers do. We have an official diagnosis - at least 10% of IVF patients have "unexplained" infertility. Knowing what our problem is (bad sperm) actually makes us feel better about going through the treatments. Our first IVF cycle worked, which makes us extremely lucky and probably means I shouldn't complain about the process at all, given that a lot of couples I know have undergone multiple cycles with no success. I must be a wimp, because just that one cycle (and the testing/surgery) that preceded it makes me terrified of doing it again. Maybe terrified is too strong a word. It's more of a big, fat, "I don't want to."

Of course the end result is worth it. Of course. I would go through 100 IVFs to have Sawyer again. But when the best chance anyone has of success is 30% (much less for a frozen cycle, and less now that I'm over 30) it's difficult to be excited about going through it all again. I definitely want to give our frozen triplet embryos a chance. And doing a transfer only cycle will be a lot less stressful than a full IVF cycle, in theory anyway. It's just going to take me a little while to work up the courage again.


  1. I never thought I would say I understand, because honestly I never wanted to do IVF, after doing it I understand what your are feeling. Andre wouldn't mind trying again soon after having Brighton, but we will see. Take your time, it is a process, and not a fun one at that.

  2. I can only imagine how hard that would be. I'm glad next time won't have to be quite as difficult.

    I really appreciate your openness on the subject. Really, the timing is between you guys and the Lord. (((HUGS)))

  3. I can't imagine how hard it is, only you, Eric, and the Lord know when the timing is right. But way to go being honest with yourself about not being ready.

  4. I want to say I understand, but I can't begin to. I understand why you would be hesitant though. It must be so emotionally/physically draining. Please know that we are here to support you!

    ( ps, thanks for the Christmas card! I didn't send any this year)

  5. I will never understand IVF, but I have been through unexplained infertility and I know how difficult that was - I'm sure IVF is like 100x worse than what I went through too. So, do you have any ideas about when its going to happen? Have you ever read Pithydithy? She did a FET after several failed IVFs and now has a baby. Her blog is great and you can link from my sidebar.

  6. i love the new layout - the labels are handy and helped me stumble across this post. i'm learning a lot! anyone who works that hard for a baby is a hero to me. i have no wisdom to offer but i will say this: don't stress about spacing - i mean i'm sure you have in mind what you'd like, and in the end will do what feels best for you - but seriously the only two kids i have that get along are 10 years apart. i always imagined little sibling buddies. i was so wrong!


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